Convenient Store Bananner (And other things I call my Dog): A Study of Human/Pet Relations

I have a confession to make. My partner and I have a dog named Annie, but you would never know that by listening to us talk to her. That’s because, despite her given name, she now goes by approximately 47 different nicknames, most of which have no obvious, logical connection to her original moniker.

It’s madness. Utter absurdity. A linguistic free-fall into nonsense.

And it all happened so fast.

We’ve had Annie for several months now, but after just a few weeks, the sickness in our brains had already taken hold, and the transformation of her name had evolved at an unprecedented pace. At first, it followed a somewhat predictable pattern: Annie became Annie Girl, which morphed into Anna Banana. Then came the slightly less rational variants: Annie Bananny, Banannie, and eventually just 'Nana'.

But oh, friends, that was just the beginning.

The Descent Into Name Chaos

One day, I caught myself calling her Bananab Bean. Which is not even a THING in REALITY. Like a rogue banana with an identity crisis. Why? I don’t know. But once that took hold, it was only a short hop to Convenient Store Bananner (inspired by a hilarious clip from the streamer and YouTube icon Brutal Moose). From there, she became just Bananner.

Then there was a major shift, we entered a new realm of ridiculousness—she became Pool Noodle based on the fact that when you tried to pick her up, she'd go limp and long like a pool noodle. Then just Noodle for short. And for a brief and deeply concerning period, she was Naked Noodle (only when she wasn’t wearing her diaper). "Watch out! A naked noodle got in the house! Close the bedroom door or she'll pee the bed!"

And let’s not even get into the meme-based detour we took. Somewhere along the way, she became Long Cat (despite being a dog), and that lasted until my partner reminded me that she is, in fact, not a cat.

I wish I could tell you we stopped there, but alas, no. Just last week, I heard my partner refer to her as Moose Noodle. And today? Today I caught myself cooing, “Come here, my little Bananner Boat.”

The Science Behind the Madness

You might be wondering—why do we do this? Why do we, as pet owners, take perfectly normal, respectable names and mutate them into gibberish? Well, science actually has an answer.

According to studies on human-animal bonding (yes, people have researched this!), pet nicknames evolve as a way to strengthen our attachment. The sillier the name, the more it reinforces affection. It’s the same reason we baby-talk to our pets, why we tell them about our day like they’re therapists who work for free, and why we insist on narrating their every action like they’re starring in a reality TV show called The Real Housepets of Our Living Room.

The Great Name Experiment

At this point, I’ve accepted that Annie (or whatever we’re calling her this week) is probably just rolling with it. In fact, I suspect she enjoys the sheer unpredictability of it all. One minute she’s Noodle, the next she’s The Bananerator, and honestly? She doesn’t care what we call her as long as we talk sweet to her and she gets her meals on time.

So I pose this challenge to you, dear reader: Take a moment today to reflect on your own pet’s name evolution. Where did it begin? Where is it now? Have you, too, fallen into the nickname abyss, where no syllable is safe from mutation?

And if you haven’t? Give it time. The descent into pet name anarchy is inevitable. Just embrace the chaos—and don’t be surprised when you wake up one morning and realize you’re calling your beloved pet something like Count Bananer von Noodlepants.

P.S. If you’ve made it this far, let me share one final confession: Our dog, Leonard, has a name evolution that includes an entire song! "Leonard Pennard Pumpkin Pie, Kiss the Girls and Make Them Cry..." How did we get there? That's a whole other story. It involves a pumpkin sitting on the crossroads, an unsuspecting groomer, and Leonard’s quiet charm.

Welcome to the madness.