Paws for a Moment 01: A Podcast for Dogs By Dogs - Hosted by Leonard Pie and Annie
A Short Introduction
A few days ago, I was on the app store, looking for a good podcast player when I saw an app called DOGcast. I downloaded it and tapped the icon, which, fittingly, was a microphone shaped like a dog bone. The app asked for my area code for local news and discussion, so I put in my area code—and that’s when I discovered something shocking: my two dogs, Leonard and Annie, are secretly podcasters.
At first, all I heard was barking, boofing, and growling. But after running their podcast through the app’s translator, I realized they were having full-on discussions about life, treats, and the mysterious ways of their human—me. Their insights were surprisingly deep, and their complaints, well... let’s just say I may owe Leonard some Buddy Bits.
I exported the translated audio to a transcript, which I now present to you in its full form. Read. Enjoy. Try not to think too hard about what your own pets might be saying when you're not listening.
Paws for a Moment
Transcript of Episode 01: Poop, Treats, and Powder Ice
[INTRO MUSIC: A light, cheerful jingle fades in, accompanied by the sound of distant barking. A deep, professional-sounding voice chimes in.]
ANNOUNCER: You’re listening to Paws for a Moment, the only podcast hosted entirely by dogs, for dogs, about the things that truly matter in life: treats, walks, and the mysterious ways of our human, Justin and his owner Amanda. Now, here’s your hosts, Leonard and Annie!
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
LEONARD: (clears throat) Good evening, dear listeners. Leonard Pie the Podcast Guy here, your ever-observant, ever-intellectual guide to the complexities of canine existence.
ANNIE: (excitedly) And Annie! Your fun-loving, treat-eating, belly-rub-getting expert on all things AWESOME! Woooo!
LEONARD: (sighs) Today, we have a lot to discuss. We Paws for a Moment and discuss some exciting developments! First up, the age-old question: Why does Justin collect our poop? What is the deal with that?
ANNIE: (gasps) Oh, I’ve been WAITING to talk about this!
LEONARD: Right? I mean, every single time we go outside, without fail, we do our business, and then what does he do? He tells us we did a good job and then sometimes he scoops it up and takes it somewhere. It's bizarre!
ANNIE: (seriously) It’s like a weird scavenger hunt where we provide the prizes.
LEONARD: But WHY, is the question? And Annie, I have a theory.
ANNIE: Ooooh, tell me!
LEONARD: I believe… he’s comparing them. Weighing them. Measuring them!
ANNIE: (gasping) Oh! My! Dog!
LEONARD: Think about it. He always inspects them, nods to himself, sometimes even mutters things like, “Oh, good one,” or “Yikes, too much cheese.” What else could he be doing but ranking them?
ANNIE: (awed) Like… a contest?
LEONARD: Exactly. And I think the winner gets a prize. Have you noticed how sometimes, after we go, boom—treats?
ANNIE: (horrified) Oh no. What if we’re NOT getting rewarded for sitting and being good or not biting people, but for our POOP QUALITY?
LEONARD: That’s what I’m saying. I think the biggest, most impressive poop gets the best reward. He's just waiting to see how the they all measure up!
ANNIE: (thoughtful) That… explains a lot. Like how sometimes I go and I know it’s just a little one, and I get a “Good job, Annie.” But other times, I deliver a masterpiece, and BOOM. Extra treat.
LEONARD: Precisely. This is why fiber intake is key, my friend.
ANNIE: (determined) I’m gonna start eating more grass.
LEONARD: An excellent strategy.
[SFX: PAW SHUFFLING PAPER]
ANNIE: Okay, next topic—speaking of yummy rewards--Justin changed our treats!
LEONARD: (growling softly) Don’t remind me.
ANNIE: The questions are: WHY? And what do we think about the change? He used to give us Buddy Bits, and now it’s just… generic training treats.
LEONARD: A tragedy. A betrayal. Buddy Bits had cheesy goodness. A symphony of flavor. A true masterpiece in bite-sized form.
ANNIE: (shrugging) I dunno. I don’t mind the new ones.
LEONARD: (gasping) Annie.
ANNIE: They still taste good! They still go crunch! I like crunching! They still appear like magic when I sit or twirl or don’t jump on strangers or as we discussed, make a big poop!
LEONARD: But… but… the richness! The depth! The nuanced aftertaste of Buddy Bits! This is like replacing a gourmet steak with a soggy biscuit! I mean I agree, the are edible. I will eat them. I will eat anything. I love eating. But I MISS the cheesy goodness of Buddy Bits!
ANNIE: (thinking) I agree, food is food, you know? I'm good with the change. Maybe we'll get both tomorrow!
LEONARD: (sighing) Your optimism is exhausting.
ANNIE: (cheerful) Thank you!
LEONARD: (grumbling) Alright, last on our agenda: The mysterious, white, powdery ice that recently fell from the sky.
ANNIE: (excitedly) I LOVED IT.
LEONARD: I HATED IT.
ANNIE: (laughing) Why?! It was EVERYWHERE. It was FREE FOOD. How often does free food drop from the sky!?
LEONARD: It was COLD. It got in my paws. It touched my belly when I pooped. It was an attack from the heavens.
ANNIE: (dreamily) It was crunchy. Delicious. And the best part? Justin let me eat it. He NEVER lets me eat things off the ground, but the powder ice? Unlimited buffet, baby! He even seemed to giggle when I was eating it, it made him so happy!
LEONARD: (muttering) I don’t trust it.
ANNIE: I hope it happens again. I hope the sky decides, “Hey, you guys deserve another snack,” and just sprinkles more powder ice all over us!
LEONARD: The sky is not our friend, Annie. The sky has betrayed us with rain, thunderstorms, and now, this freezing nonsense.
ANNIE: Well, you can stay inside like a grumpy old man. I’m gonna roll in it next time. Full-body immersion.
LEONARD: (dramatic sigh) You’re impossible.
ANNIE: And you’re dramatic. (pause) Wanna see who gets the best poop score tomorrow morning?
LEONARD: (thoughtful pause) Yes. Yes, I do.
[OUTRO MUSIC: A playful, upbeat tune begins, fading in gently.]
ANNOUNCER: That’s all for today’s episode of Paws for a Moment! Tune in next time, when Leonard and Annie tackle the big questions, like “Why does Justin talk to us in that weird baby voice?” and “Who is the weird intruder who brings the cardboard boxes to the porch? And why is it our duty to fend them off and scare them away?” Until then, stay fluffy, stay curious, and don't forget to Paws for a Moment!
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]